You are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his knees. Grace Willows
I’m well used to burying such things in a dark cellar and moving on. Mark Lawrence
Are we to spend the rest of our lives in this state of high alert with guns pointed at each other’s heads and fingers trembling on the trigger? Arundhati Roy
I don’t know which is worse. The terror you feel the first time you witness such things, or the numbness that comes after it starts to become ordinary. Tasha Alexander
I felt now that my life was practically lost, and that persuasion made me capable of daring anything. H.G. Wells
We passed from laughter to terror which, like love and hate, are close relatives. Lise Deharme
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. Martin Luther King, Jr
When I was younger, which in this past year has seemed like an eternity ago, I spent much time working on issues related to nuclear disarmament. At the time, the UN was immersed in a high-visibility disarmament push and it seemed to me, aside from addressing the compelling and seemingly looming disaster of nuclear war, that this could also serve a “gateway” issue for me, a path to a wider “human security” engagement on environmental care and racial justice to mention just two other enduring concerns.
It was also a time when my subconscious life seemed to be running on overdrive, when my nightly sleep was punctuated by dreams of pure terror – of being out of control while falling from bridges, of pending disaster and the panic of not being able to successfully outrun the coming storm, including and especially the nuclear storm. The infamous “doomsday” clock was always ticking away in my earlier dream life, always positing some existential disaster that I had ill prepared for and couldn’t manage to escape.
After years of what passed in my life for a higher level of sanity, complements of an apartment full of “dream weavers,” a remarkable church community, and some of the best friends and partners one could ask for, some of those terrors of the night have returned. A year of running from COVID impacts and weighing in on a bevy of complex and daunting issues, global and domestic; another year of trying to contribute to what remains of our seemingly dwindling options on climate change and reconciliation among nations and peoples; another year of reminding people of what they don’t generally want to be reminded – that the ills that afflict us, including our now-pervasive political turmoil, are personal as much as structural – those fears that I once conspired to “bury in a dark cellar” are now leaking from their receptacles and finding their way back to prominence in my nocturnal affairs.
These contemporary terrors of the night are different in tone from earlier iterations. Not so much about being out of control as being frozen in response to looming threats, of not having the ability to counter whatever is “coming for me” or even being capable of moving to places of safety or like possums, playing dead. In these dreams, “my reactions” are more like what rabbits do, freeze in place until an avenue for escape presents itself. But in my dreamlife, there is no such avenue — only the sounds of danger getting louder and closer.
I know that I am by no means alone in facing mental health challenges that seem mostly to play out after hours. Especially people who are raising children and/or have jobs to which they need to travel and which often barely cover basic necessities have no choice but to retain as much functional sanity as they are able, to perform their daily duties and let their unconscious self sift through fears and anxieties once sleep has been able to descend. I know how much better I have it – have always had it – than so many in this world. I never forget (though don’t always appreciate sufficiently) how many blessings have found their way to my door without being asked, like packages from the postal service I don’t recall having ordered. I also know from many years at the UN and in the field the terror that is routinely inflicted on so many people in this world; those who need not wait to close their eyes after dark to experience threats that never seem to abate, fears of long-term pandemic ruin, of societies splintering at the point of a gun, of climate change that turns productive lands into dust bowls, of education for so many children put on hold, of fires of all varieties that rage on and for which we seem to have crafted insufficient preventive alternatives.
For too many, the sounds of terror become louder and closer mostly in broad daylight, the guns that have yet to be silenced, the screams from too-many domestic abuses, the sirens of ambulances rushing COVID victims to what might well be their final earthly stop, the government helicopters whirling overhead designed to intimidate protesters at least as much as to uphold the law or protect citizens.
As we in the US sift through the details (and its many enablers) of the recent assault on the US Capitol, an attack which more and more bears the marks of coordinated domestic terrorism, the UN has been assessing its own mechanisms and measures for identifying and addressing terrorist threat, as diplomats are fond of saying, “in all its forms and manifestations.” This week, under leadership from Tunisia’s Foreign Minister, the Security Council examined progress on countering terrorism since its landmark Resolution 1373 was adopted in the aftermath of the attacks on the US on 9/11. Key to resolution progress has been the work of the UN’s Office on Counter-Terrorism and its Counter-Terrorism Executive Directorate, bodies which have done much to ensure that the counter-terror measures adopted by states are coordinated (especially across borders), adequately resourced, sufficiently attentive to the causes and instruments of extremist recruitment as well as the means for successful reintegration of “foreign terror fighters,” and that any and all measures adopted are consistent with the UN Charter values and human rights obligations already assumed by member states.
While levels of urgency regarding the need for more robust counter-terror operations varied from Council member to member, it was gratifying that so many of them, including Estonia, Mexico, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines and Niger (which recently endured its own terrorist-related massacre), understood that the task at hand is not primarily about military confrontation with terrorist elements but of depriving terrorists of “oxygen” in part by restricting access to funding but also through policies and practices that promote sustainable development and what CTED referred to as “healing and justice.” Such counter-terror priorities also stipulate governance that is more effective in service delivery as well as more transparent and otherwise deserving of citizen trust, governance with the will and skill to eliminate what UN Special Representative Chambas referred to in another Council meeting this week as “the toxic influence of exclusion.”
Putting this bevy of good ideas and lofty rhetoric into collaborative practice requires high and sane vigilance of thought and action, the commitment to overcome all vestiges of the “sincere ignorance” which magnifies threats to the very lives it purports to help. The manifold dangers that constitute the waking lives of too many global citizens –including threats from heavily armed terrorists luring away children and robbing communities of dignity, livelihoods and even of life itself — warrant the full implementation of every preventive measure at our disposal. For whatever reason, I remain convinced that at least some of the turmoil which punctuates a number of my own nights would be alleviated if the seemingly endless threats which punctuate the days of too many of the rest of us could finally attain some sustainable relief.
With whatever energy and mental health we can muster now, after a long year of lockdowns, physical distancing, political fragmentation and emotional challenges, I feel some assurance that our own lives will be a bit less stressful, our nights a bit more restful as we do what we can to help ensure that the days of many millions around the world are themselves less threatened, more prosperous. If it is the case that we, together, have sufficient skill and capacity to “drive a saint to madness or a King to his knees,” we surely have enough to bring about an end to fingers trembling on the triggers of deadly weapons, an end to governance that serves the interests of only some and not of all, an end to terrorist violations and social deprivations that stop the development of children in its tracks and lead many adults to the desperate conclusion that they simply have nothing left to lose.
In my dream life, perhaps in yours as well, there is now an over-representation of numbness to terror, of frozen limbs amidst a growing sense of panic. But once the alarm sounds the end to another night of fitful rest, the demands of the day intervene, including the demand to do what we are able to lower the terror threshold that millions struggle mightily to escape regardless of the time of day, as well as the demand to ensure that we never permit ourselves to become numb to worldly deprivations we are well-placed to address. For me as for others, these demands are — and will remain — worth sacrificing sleep over.
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